Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
