True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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