Whod you bang
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
