No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize