Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
