matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I look better un-naked...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
