At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
