Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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