She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
