I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
