I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
