The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
