Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
