Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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