plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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