So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
