you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
