I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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