we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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