ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Little spoons don't ask big questions
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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