FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
