They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
