I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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