i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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