i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
