grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
