youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
