can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
