I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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