i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I had to cum in my sink.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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