Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
