I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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