I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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