I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
so much tequila, so little girl.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
