my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
