Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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