So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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