Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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