You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
