at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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