My underwear smells like fireworks.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
