I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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