Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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