i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
