My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize