Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
