dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
