dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
