Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We have so much sex to catch up on
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
