guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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