Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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