I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize