R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
