i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
