i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
