Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
