I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
