So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
