so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
