the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
