did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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