she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
