she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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