His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
