why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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