no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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