The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We are two peas in an std pod
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
