idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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