I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
