i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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