Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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