We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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