We won't sleep together?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
