The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
