Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize