Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
