if you like me you must not know who I am
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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