dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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