Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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