last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
